


windswept

by gongji



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, M/M, i don't know tagging is hard it's leoniles take it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 15:09:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9330854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gongji/pseuds/gongji
Summary: A small collection of Niles and Leo trying to come to terms with themselves and each other, for LeoNiles Week 2017





	1. Firsts

**Author's Note:**

> For [LeoNiles Week 2017](https://leonilesweek2017.tumblr.com), which you should totally check out and look at all the other submissions!
> 
> I'm totally late on my submissions and that's my fault alone, but they'll be steadily trickling in!

Leo observes Niles from afar as he wanders around the kitchen, awkward and misplaced in his attempts to avoid the shuffling bodies of the cooks as they prepare lunch. It’s as if Niles doesn’t know what to do with so much food at his disposal, like he’d never seen such a sight before. And perhaps he hasn’t, the realization hits Leo in a way that he feels foolish he hadn’t seen it earlier. It’s the way he eyes the pile of fruit sitting at the corner of the counters, the slab of resting meat steaming on the cutting block, the vibrant greens of freshly harvested vegetables soaking in water. Hungry, longing, and if he wasn't kept alive by Leo’s sudden act of selflessness (or was it selfishness?), maybe he would have swiped them all under his belt without a second thought.

Quietly, he watches. Niles looks sheepish, afraid to ask the busy chefs for something to eat, or perhaps insulted that this is the reality he’s found himself in.

Two nights ago, Niles had asked for death, and Leo did not give it to him.

At the time, Leo didn’t see how his decision to take Niles in as his first retainer could cause any harm. The fascination of seeing someone so hurt, so broken, so torn apart before him ate away at his own thoughts, his own sensitivity, and Leo found himself enchanted not by Niles but by the way he spoke to him, the allure of hearing a man who had nothing, where he had everything under his fingers - and in that moment, Leo wanted more.

Leo had wounded his pride. And perhaps that was selfish of him.

“You can take whatever you want, you know.” Leo finds himself saying when Niles wanders towards him. The man startles for the quickest moment, like he’d been debating whether to take something to eat or leave and go hungry until the next meal. “You’re my retainer now, you’re free to do whatever you like here.”

Niles turns his head to look at him, but he doesn’t respond. So Leo walks over and picks up the heaviest apple in the fruit bowl and hands it to him. When Leo steps forward, it’s only now that Niles gets a good look at him in the light. He’s a lot younger than he’d originally thought, features softer than he imagined, probably now that Niles wasn’t at death’s door on his knees helpless before him.

But Niles takes the fruit, and lowers his gaze. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you.” Leo says. “For staying, I mean. You didn’t have to accept retainership after a selfish request. That was foolish of me, and for that I express my apologies -”

Niles bites into the apple with a satisfying crunch, so loud it drowns out the last of Leo’s reparation. Niles wipes away a strand of juice from his chin with a combination of his hand and tongue in such a crass way Leo tries not to grimace at his lack of manners.

He takes another bite. “Mmh, are all your fruits this sweet?” He says, through a mouthful of apple chunks. Leo hadn’t seen such a display of impropriety since he was a young child sitting through hours of etiquette classes, where Xander had sneezed loudly without covering his mouth, chewed with widely parted lips at breakfast, and shoveled food into his mouth with a spoon held in his fist, all in the same day.  

Leo is so disgusted at the sight, that he begins to laugh.

Somewhere in the background of his sudden laughter he hears Niles express a confused and concerned noise, but Leo can’t stop. The laughter bellows out from him, aching in his stomach and _Gods_ he hasn’t laughed this hard in years. And then he snorts once and the sudden unexpected sound causes him to laugh even more.

When it dies down and he can manage through his wheezing breaths, he smiles at Niles, who had finished his apple in the meantime and was nibbling at the core.

“Feel better?” He asks, and Leo does, for the first time in a while.

“It’s been too long since I’ve felt this good.” He admits, even if this feeling is temporary and fleeting, he cherishes the full moment of it.

“Well then…” Niles begins, even though he has no idea what Leo was laughing at. “I hope I can continue making you feel that way.”

For the first time in years, Leo’s response is a genuine smile.


	2. Roots

“Milord, you’ve been at this for hours.” And he has - Leo clutches Brynhildr in his arms and casts the spell over and over again, veins wrapping around the practice dummy, squeezing it whole and ripping it apart. Niles replaces the destroyed figure with a new one, but at this point he was starting to run low.

“It’s not enough.” Leo says, voice straining in his exhaustion. “I have to be stronger. I have to be better than him.” 

“And that can be done in time, milord. Stressing over this and pushing yourself too hard won’t help you…” 

“I have to keep going.”

“Milord, you should really--”

“Enough, Niles. You don’t understand.” Ah, there it is. Niles doesn’t know how he didn’t see it before - that under the hardened exterior is a young boy steadily losing his childhood under the burden of expectation.

He stops talking. There was no use in arguing when the root of the cause was the root of his family tree. The expectation to succeed. The drive to surpass the shadow of the crown prince. 

And the roots of Brynhildr will carry him through, shattering through his responsibility of second prince - the insignificance he’s felt coiling around himself like the very vines of his magic wrapped around his heart, dragging him down and sinking its thorns into his skin until there was nothing left of him but the feeling of drowning under his own family name.

If he were better, if he were stronger, if he were smarter, if he wasn’t Leo of Nohr and was someone else entirely, maybe he wouldn’t feel the aching suffocation of such a weight on his shoulders. If only he were good enough...

“Milord!” Niles is there, suddenly, almost as if out of nowhere, but his hands are on Leo’s arms until Leo drops the tome. It lands on its spine mid-spell and the impact casts a very odd looking tiny tree. A glowing leaf flutters down in between them. Leo looks down - his hands are bleeding, his arms are slashed, his body aches. 

He was casting Brynhildr on himself and not realizing.

Leo stares back at Niles’ concerned gaze, eyes wide and confused in his own cognizance until Niles pulls him into his arms, safe and warm and comforting.

“That’s enough, milord.” He says, voice low, and Leo nods his head and lets himself go in Niles’ arms. They sit together at the base of the fading tree in silence, opaque roots curling around beside them as Brynhildr’s magic dims out uncasted. 

Leo rests his head on Niles’ shoulder, and it's quiet until Leo opens his mouth to speak. “The breeze feels nice.” It does, gently tousling his hair. It’s gentle and pleasant.

“Then let’s stay here together and enjoy it.” Niles suggests, though it’s more of a plea for his lord’s own health at this point.

Leo closes his eyes and reaches for his retainer’s hand, holding him until the reassurance washes over him once again.


	3. Stars

“What do you see in those stars of yours?” Leo had asked him one night after catching Niles walking back from his nightly escape. In response, Niles smiled, tilted his head and crossed his arms.

“Many things, milord, and I’d be more than happy to share if you'd like to come with me sometime. Tomorrow night, perhaps?”

 _It's a date_ , Leo responded in his head, which in retrospect was foolish, because now he had some twisted sense of hope that perhaps it _was_  a date, or at least had the potential to become one, and he had no one to blame but himself for that.

And so there Leo was, sitting on the blanket he brought with him so he wasn't touching the grass, eating a midnight snack, staring up at the night sky, and Niles wasn't even there yet (was this what being “fashionably late” meant? He’d only ever, of course, heard about the concept in books, and never in actual practice).

“Oh, waiting for me, milord?” Finally, Niles arrives, greeting him with an amused smirk, like he wasn't expecting Leo to actually be there. Leo, in turn, huffs in response.

“I was beginning to think you weren't coming.”

“Aw, is that so? I'm sorry for making you think I stood you up tonight.”

Leo freezes - so was this a date? Or was Niles just toying with him (again)? Niles walks over and sits beside him, right on the grass. Having a few damp grass stains on his pants at the end of the day doesn’t bother him, Leo supposes. But now that just makes _him_ feel a bit spoiled - the grass wasn't even really that damp, he just didn't want to sit on something _bugs_ and _spiders_ spend their days crawling on. And now he feels even more foolish, and shoves a snack in his mouth.

“What are you eating?” Niles asks.

“Crackers.” He meant to say cookies. “Uh, very crunchy.” He didn't mean to say that at all. He shoves another one in his mouth before finishing the one already in his mouth.

Damn it.

Niles chuckles, a husky laugh that starts deep in his throat. “You seem… nervous.” He smirks, devilish and tantalizing. “Was this meant to be a date?”

“I'm not nervous.” Leo says immediately, mouth still full of cookie. He swallows. “...do you want one?” He's about to reach over and offer one, but Niles is in his face immediately, so close that Leo can feel his hot breath against his skin.

“I'm sort of in the mood for something else tonight, milord.” He whispers, noting how Leo’s breath catches in his throat. “A different kind of s-”

“Stars!” Leo interrupts, whipping his head back away from Niles, but then his heart sinks at how immediately the smile drops from Niles’ face. “We came to look at stars.”

“Ah, yes we did.” Niles pulls away and then lays down in his patch of grass, stretching his legs out comfortably. “It's a nice night, too. Milord picked a good night to join his lowly retainer.”

Leo shifts and makes an uncomfortable hum at Niles’ choice of words, but Niles keeps talking.

“I come here when I can't sleep. It's quiet and peaceful, I guess. Comforting.”

“I take it you’re here often, then?”

Niles laughs again, this time it sounds a little less playful and a lot more somber. Bittersweet.

“It’s not often that I sleep soundly.” He leaves it at that, and Leo doesn’t ask. Right now he’s not sure if he wants to know.

There is a pause, and then Niles speaks again, changing the subject to something a little lighter. “I try to map out the constellations, see if I can catch them all before the seasons change.”

“The constellations?”

“Yes, surely milord knows what constellations are?”

“Of course I do.” He does, but not very _well_. “Enough to hold a conversation, perhaps. Not well enough to have a favorite.”

“That’s fine.” Niles responds, smiling up at the shimmering lights above them. “Not everyone does. Oh, look - that one is really bright! It’s kind of colorful too, I don’t think I’ve seen that one before.”

Leo watches him talk about the stars, quietly, fondly, finding the way his lips curve into a small smile when he speaks about something he likes charming and pleasant. The adoring twinkle in Niles’ lone eye as he gazes up ahead is almost mesmerizing, like the stars above all existed inside him, swimming in that deep shade of blue.

And it's only when his retainer turns to him that Leo finds that his favorite constellations are the ones he sees while gazing into Niles’ eye.

“That's it.” He says, and Niles tilts his head.

“What is?”

“I asked you what you saw in the stars, and you answered.” He replies with a fond smile, soft and almost hesitant. “And I think I know what I see in them, now.”

Niles sits up. “Oh? Do tell, milord, what would that be?”

Leo chuckles in an effort to hide the heat that rises to his face. “So long as you promise not to laugh.”

“I promise,” As Niles speaks a teasing grin appears on his face, and he leans in closer to listen.

“I know that wherever I can see the stars, I can always find you.” Leo says, “And it's comforting to know that.”

Niles doesn't look like he knows what to say, and so he tries to do what he does best. “Milord…” his voice takes on a pleased lilt and he leans in with a bold, quick, full intention of seizing the moment and stealing a kiss from his lord.

Leo shoves a cookie in his face instead.

Ah - he didn't mean to do that.


	4. Blood

Niles leans back with great difficulty against the ruined wall of an old building, with one arrow in his shoulder, another broken in his thigh, and a deep gash in his side that was larger than he'd like to admit.   
  
He takes a ragged breath. An ambush had broken up their ranks in what should have been a peaceful march, and in the confusion they'd lost too many soldiers too quickly to keep fighting. But retreat wasn't easy, it never was; it was watching everything Corrin's army had worked for going up in flames in the quickest moment, chased away and engulfed in the bitter sea of failure.   
  
"Are we going to die here?" Niles heard someone say. He wasn't sure who - in fact he had no idea where Odin was, and he wasn't even sure where _he_ was, for that matter. In the chaos the army had scattered, with no way of knowing if the missing were alive or dead. 

Niles looked back at Leo, who held his horse's reins tightly in his hand in an shaking attempt to stay calm. He's terrified. Niles can see that fear in his eyes. And at that moment, Niles made a decision. 

"Milord, go on ahead."   
  
"What?"   
  
"I'll keep the enemy at bay for you. I'll hold them off until you can reach safety."    
  
Leo shook his head slowly, as if he was unable to process the very thought of leaving his retainer behind. "You don't get to give the orders here, Niles."   
  
"It's not an order, it's a request, milord. From your lowly retainer to allow him to do his job."   
  
Leo looked like he was going to protest, opens his mouth to refuse and berate him for not only his idea but also his choice of words, but Xander had placed a hand on Leo's shoulder then.    
  
"Let's go." Xander says, and nodded at Niles, as if he knew he'd never see him again - some twisted sense of remorse in his eyes as if Niles should care at all about what he thought of him.    
  
"No- I'm not leaving him!" Leo yelled, as if he were five years old in the throes of a tantrum and his mother just told him he couldn't have something he wanted. "Xander how could you -"   
  
"Let's go." Xander repeated, his voice commanding and stern. Like he'd been there before. Like he knew what it was like to leave someone behind and never see them again. Like he knew what it was to watch someone give their life to keep him safe. And Niles realized at that moment, silently and sudden, that he had.

But Leo - his sweet lord was soft under his hardened exterior, and Niles loved that about him. And deep down Leo knows this was the right thing to do, this was the job of a retainer to the royal family, and yet he begs Xander to let him come with the rest of the army, begs like he'd never asked anything from anyone his entire life, _Please, Xander, please, don't leave him!_

But Xander, tall and proud with a kingdom on his shoulders, crown prince Xander doesn't respond. He takes the reins out of Leo’s shaking hands and leads him away, commanding his horse into a gallop before Leo has the thought to disobey and jump off. 

Niles turned away. His last memory of his lord would not be his frightened tears and the terrified, wretched wailing of his name as Xander’s horse sprinted away to safety, cries echoing in his ears as they disappeared into the distance. 

And Niles did his job. He led the enemy attack away the best he could, stood his ground with his bow drawn when the enemy came. He wasn't afraid - if Leo was safe, then he’d gladly give his very life to make sure his lord stayed that way. 

After all, he thought, bow string pulled taut as he aimed directly at an enemy soldier, he was replaceable. There will be other retainers lined up to serve the second prince after him. There will be others to give his prince their everything. There will be others who will gladly risk their life for him. There will be others. 

_But there is no one_ , he continued, releasing the arrow straight into the right eye socket of the nearest soldier, _There is no one who could ever..._ He shakes his head. He shouldn't be selfish in his final hours.

When the first stray arrow plunges itself into his thigh, Niles ignores the searing pain as he staggers back, shooting arrow after arrow at anyone who came near him. 

The second arrow hit his shoulder, and the pain is too much to draw his bow. And yet he tries - aim trembling and aching through his pain, seething white hot and nearly blinding him in his only good eye. But he misses. His arrow misses and he cannot stop the attacks that reach him. He cannot hold them back alone. 

And when he knows Leo and the others are far enough away, closer to safety than danger, he takes one good look at his attackers and lets them come.

 

* * *

 

When it's over, Niles is surprised to see the morning sun. As if this were some cruel joke prolonging his suffering and allowing him to live to see another day. He drags his shattered body weakly to lean against the wall, and promptly coughs a line of blood. Internal bleeding. He wants to laugh, but he can’t, so he pretends he did to keep his mind steady.

_What a way to go_ , he thinks, but really, he'd accept no less. There were only two ways he could imagine accepting death in his life with Leo, and one was to die protecting his lord any way he could. And this was it, this was the death he’d been longing. The death he'd been waiting for. The death that never came when he so badly wanted it to, that held off in some semblance of mercy when his lord hovered over him, tome in hand, and had reached out instead. This is the death he wanted. 

The other way… well, he supposes there is little use in remembering the other way he wanted to go. But the other way was to die beside Leo, warm and happy, well into old age and love. And Leo’s soft smile the only thing he’d see - the last thing he'd see - before he passed. 

Ah, what a fond memory that would have been. What happiness he would have found in the arms of his lord, who took him in when he had nothing and granted him a new life; his precious lord, who had given him everything - even his heart. 

Niles had found what he'd been looking for all his life, the dream that he'd been chasing, the song that he'd been singing… it was Leo, and Leo alone. 

How sad, that he has to leave him so soon.

A warm droplet of red that drips with a wet sound onto his hand means that Niles has slumped forward, blood trickling smoothly from his lips. He isn't sure how long he has left, but he hopes it’s soon. By now the pain has subsided into a cold, numb feeling that leaves him too weak to move. He closes his eye. This must be it. 

_Alright then_ , he says, though he isn't sure if he managed to speak out loud. _Let's see what death has to offer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be continued.......


	5. Treasure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I never uploaded this chapter a month too late... Sorry about that! Unfortunately with life and other projects I need to work on, this will be the last chapter of the LeoNiles week collection. But this is not the last LeoNiles you'll see from me YOU'LL SEE ME AGAIN SOMEDAY :)

Death comes.

Or at least, he thought it did. He thinks there may be some choked breath filling his lungs every so often; chest rising in some shaking, feeble way, though he isn't sure why or how that was happening.

A slow death. What an unfortunate way to go. He’d spent years dancing around his own demise that in the end, it didn’t even want to take him, much less do him any favors and take him quickly.

Ah, more time to remind himself of what he’s lost. What he’d leave behind. Years and years after he’s gone - just a casualty of a bygone era with no real proof that he’d ever existed other than the crumbled ashes his body will become - Prince Leo’s legacy would still be there, would still live on, would carry Nohr to its Golden Age without him. After all, Leo didn’t really _need_ him...not in the way Niles had wanted, at least, not in the way he had hoped - deep down in the heart that wouldn’t stop beating, like a cruel joke that had gone on for far too long.

Who knows, maybe if Niles sat here long enough, his corpse would sprout branches and grow into a tree. At the very least he hopes that tree could possibly resemble Brynhildr’s summons in some way, wouldn’t that be fun? His old decaying body held together on borrowed time, becoming a plant and sprouting new life - Niles smiles weakly at his own misplaced sense of humor. Leo would have hated that.

Oh well.

“ _Niles!_ ”

It’s like he could hear his voice even now. Leo is so strongly in his mind it’s like he’s right there, displeased and scowling, what a shame his final moments can’t even grant him any semblance of pity and show him a happier Leo. Instead, he supposes he’ll have to enjoy the twisted cries of an unsettled lord, shouting his name--

...Shouting?

“Niles!!”

Frantic, breathless, distressed - so unlike the calm demeanor his lord had spent years perfecting. He’d never heard Leo shout like this before, and Niles trusts that his own thoughts wouldn't imagine his lord shouting his name in his own time of need. So this must be…

Real?

“Niles!”

He hears it again. It's distant, but it had to be real. With whatever strength he can manage, Niles picks his head up. He immediately has to prop it up against the wall, unable to hold it steady, and opening his eye takes nearly everything out of him. Sure enough, there’s a speck in the distance riding towards him. It could be anything, at this rate. It could be Leo, it could be the enemy, it could be some traveling merchant stumbling across his body - Hell, it could even be _High Prince Ryoma of Hoshido_ challenging him to single combat. His quickly deteriorating mind could be telling him anything at this point and Niles might have believed it were true.

If this were a dream, or some sort of mirage dreamt up by his final desires to see his lord one last time before he died, it must be some blessed curse, because it’s Leo who rides towards him on his black horse, nearly flinging himself off before the exhausted animal could properly slow down. Leo stumbles and sprints over to Niles, dropping to his knees in front of him and --

\--Oh, even his touch feels real. Leo’s hands are on his face, holding his head, staring down at him with a worried expression he’d never seen before… No, there’s no way. Niles doesn’t have that good of an imagination.

“Milord?”

“Oh, thank the Gods you’re alive, Niles.”

Leo was here. Leo was real. Leo was holding him and staring into his eye and -

"Why did you-- why did you come back? I had the enemy following me--" Hours and hours and _agonizing hours_ of yearning for his lord on what he thought was his deathbed and somehow, that’s all Niles had to say.

“You idiot!” Leo grabs him by the shoulders and grips hard, distraught and anger and panic all flooding into his voice all at once. “What were you _thinking_ ? You could have died holding them off like that, and I don't remember giving that order!"  
  
"This is my job, milord, I have to keep you safe, and if it's my life for yours, then that's the way it has to be."  
  
"I know! I know, Niles, I've heard this all before a thousand times. But what good is that if you're not there when I wake up tomorrow?" His voice shakes, trembles as he does his best to keep a serious expression on his face and holds back what Niles can clearly tell is fear (and perhaps something else…). "What good is that if I don't have you by my side when I need you? When I _don't_ need you?" Niles can’t really focus properly anymore once his vision starts to spin.  
  
"No,” He manages, feeling a little sick. “When will you learn, milord? This is my job, my purpose. Coming back for me only puts your life in danger, I'm supposed to --"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"But I'm-"  
  
"Shut up, Niles!"  
  
"Milord-"  
  
"I said shut up! My Gods, what will it take to get you to listen to me, should I order your silence?” Leo is reaching into a bag to pull out a miscellaneous handful of curatives, voice trembling as he tries to come off as commanding and authoritative in a vain effort to get Niles to listen. “Stop talking, Niles, and that is an order!" And Niles does, but only because the way Leo's hands shake as he tries to sloppily bandage up his wounds takes the words right out of his mouth, a lump in his throat forms where he should have a voice. He watches quietly instead, as Leo fumbles with a healing stave, awkwardly trying to figure it out, activating quick inexperienced bursts in such small and sudden increments that the waves of slight healing make Niles feel a bit nauseated.

“You don't know how to use those.” He says, choking back bile.

“I'm going to damn well try.” Is the determined response.

Niles stops talking, again, and it’s only then does he see the genuine fear in Leo's eyes, the sheer terror that perhaps he’d never see Niles again. Leo couldn’t possibly have known where he was, where he’d ended up after the ambush ( _he_ didn’t even know where he was) - had he been searching for him? All this time? Hanging onto the hope that maybe he’d stumble across his body while he was still alive?

“Never do that again.” Leo says, finally, his hands resting on Niles’ shoulders when Niles has a steady breath again, fingers slowly curling to grip at the tattered fabric.

“Even if it's to save your life?”

“Yes.”

“Even if you’ll die if I don't?”

“Yes.”

A pause.

“Am I your retainer, milord?”

“...Yes.”

“You don't seem to want me to do my job.”

“If doing your job means losing you, then to hell with it. I'll relinquish you of retainer duties. You are no longer my retainer, but a free man to do as he pleases.”

“But, milord -”

“I am no longer your lord! You have no ties to me now!" Leo's voice cracks, so he pauses to steady and recollect himself. "You will never have to risk your life for me ever again.”

Niles weakly brings a hand up to cup Leo’s cheek, brushing his thumb against the soft skin, leaving a ugly, crusted smudge of dirtied blood. “I don't have to be your retainer to want to risk my life for you, milord. And I'd do it as your retainer and as a free man.”

“I _order_   you never to risk your life for me.”

“If I am not your retainer, then you cannot order me.”

“F-fine! I keep you as my retainer, and order you not to do so.”

“Then that is my job, milord. You cannot order me to not do my job.”

A defeated sigh. “Must everything be so complicated?”

“It's not.” Niles, says, finally, “Whatever I am to you, retainer or free man, I'll continue risking my life for you. Because I love you, milord.” Ah. Did he mean to say that? The words came out so easily before he could stop them. Leo’s breath catches in his throat. No turning back now.

Niles continues, “You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, the most important person in my life… and I would gladly give my life to keep you safe.” The last few words of his sentence are drowned out by the ringing in his ears. Leo opens his mouth to respond, but he can barely make out the words that fall from his lips.

“Niles,” He thinks he hears, Leo’s voice echoing in his head as he slowly loses consciousness. “Niles you are…--” After that, he sees Leo’s lips moving before everything goes black.

 

* * *

 

When he comes to, he is in a bed in a makeshift medical tent. Leo hovers over him, and he suspects he’s been at his side for however long he’d been out for.

“You’re awake.” Niles is greeted with a gentle touch. And at the sight of the soft smile on Leo’s lips, Niles doesn’t need to ask what Leo was trying to say to him earlier.

Once, he was a man who stole for food, stole for riches, stole to survive. But to think, that his greatest treasure would be the one to steal him first...

He squeezes Leo's hand tight. 


End file.
